Pleasure Is My Drug of Choice

addict, addiction, pleasure, control, submission, dominance, birthday, bliss, role, sex, massage, intimacy

Hi.  My name is Spice and I am addicted to pleasure.

Not, my own pleasure, but creating pleasure for other people.  Well, then I guess it is my own pleasure because there is very little that turns me on as much as watching someone else get turned on by me.  That shit is so hot it burns.

The guy I’m currently hard core crushing on came over the other day on his birthday.  I was so excited to give him the bag of little gifts I’d been collecting over the past few months.  His smile got even bigger as I came out singing happy birthday with a candle stuck into a protein bar instead of a sugary treat.

I told him to lay down so I could give him a massage and got his consent to touch him sexually even if he fell asleep during the massage.  Which he did.  I woke him up by telling him to roll over as I removed his shorts.  He sleepily complied and I tucked his torso and arms in tight with a blanket while leaving his lower half exposed.

I’m honestly not sure who got more enjoyment out of what happened next.  I had a front row seat to watch his pleasure.  His pleasure that I created with my hands and my mouth and my breath and my body.  The sounds he made as his face contorted and his body writhed will not soon leave my memory.  I replay his bliss in my head like a pornographic film reel.  And, I think I’m addicted.

Part of me wonders if it’s a control thing.  Creating that degree of pleasure in someone’s world feels powerful.  And, I think I like power.  Puppet mastering someone’s body feels glorious and I want to do it again and again and again.  Some days I think I’d rather give than get and I wonder again if that is my aversion to vulnerability.  The peak of pleasure is one of the most vulnerable moments.

For now, I will happily feed my addiction.  And, I’ll create my own moments of solo-pleasure where I am both the giver and the receiver as an interim step towards developing a healthier relationship with dominance and submission.

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