The older I get the more I value reliability. I pride myself on being reliable. I expect my friends to be reliable. And, I sure as hell expect a man I’ve let inside my vagina to be reliable.
To me, reliability is linked with respect. And, respect is sexy. When someone is unreliable I tend to view them as disrespecting my time and devaluing my experience. I’ve got a super full life and -as any single parent can relate – I need to plan out my fun moments well in advance. So, when these dumbass men mess up my flow with their lack of reliability. . . I. Am. Pissed.
I get that life happens, but there are a million ways to communicate a change in plans. No communication is a loud message to me that you do not respect me. Or that you are incompetent. Probably both. BUT, just because someone has low standards for themselves does not mean that I need to drop my standards of the people I spend time with.
There have been a couple recent experiences that have this on my brain:
- GTT (see 2019 Came In With A Bang) is a nice guy and super hot. But, his lack of reliability and poor communication are deal breakers. He reached out to me to hang out over the weekend. We planned on an evening, but when I texted a few days later to clarify timing he didn’t respond. He sent memes, he texted about other things, but no solid time. So, I made other plans. However, I still texted him the day we were supposed to meet up to see what he was thinking. No response. I called him at the end of my night and left a voicemail telling him that I hoped he was okay and letting him know I wouldn’t be contacting him again. He sent a couple lame excuses the next day, but no apology and nothing that warrants a response. I honestly expected more from this guy.
- The other guy is a good reminder that I should not date men in their early 20s. Honestly. I need to stop. His text game was boring albeit consistent. “Hey, how are you?” “good morning beautiful” and “how’s your day?” are the extent of our texting depth. Anytime I tried to get more than a basic response from him, he would say that conversation would be better in person. My schedule didn’t allow a lot of in person time, so my interest was rapidly declining with nothing to keep the connection afloat. I was already going to wrap things up with this guy, but the ideal opportunity presented itself when he messed up our plans. We were going to meet a group of my friends at 8pm. He texted the day of asking for the time. I passively-aggressively screen shot our text convo which would have literally taken a half a scroll from him to find. Turns out his cousins birthday was also at 8. I declined the offer to hang out later. Had a blast with my friends and sent him an honest feedback text about why I wouldn’t be talking with him anymore.
I don’t want to ghost these men, because that would reflect poorly on my character. I also don’t care to waste my breath coaching them on what they could have done better, especially since another woman may not be bothered by these issues. They don’t need to change for me, but they do need to know that I’ll be changing my priorities to no longer include them.