For someone who doesn’t like drama, I sure find myself in the middle of it a lot. And, I find it particularly annoying when I have all the relationship drama without the relationship. No relationship should equal no drama. And, yet, that is not how this messy world of love, and sex, and possession seems to work. I’m learning.
We last left off with me leaving the taco truck and heading back to my hotel. I had a flight back home the next morning. I planned to let them make the next move. I wanted to respect their marital boundaries, but realized I was trying to respect boundaries that weren’t clearly defined. And, I was getting a lot of mixed messages.
Hours later, I was waiting to board the plane when a message from him popped up on my phone. It was a simple hello and check in. But, within minutes, I began to receive dick pics, masturbation videos, and other sexual messages that had me blushing and turning my phone away from any unsuspecting onlooker. I was not disappointed. He and I continued to flirt text/sext throughout the night and next day. Until, I got a message from her on the group whatapp she’d created. The message simply said, “to respect the relationship, we’ve decided all messages should include the three of us.” The next message was a notification that he’d left the group.
“Uh, sure.” I replied. “But, it looks like he left the group?” She proceeded to tell me how they’d gotten into the worst fight of their relationship over this and it was really, really bad.
Well, that’s that I thought to myself while briefly grieving the loss of that gorgeous man and his gorgeous body. Ah well. Not a moment later, I got a separate message from him. Shit. He said a casual hello. I responded with the same. We texted a bit and then I mentioned how I wanted to respect his wife’s desire that we all three communicate. I didn’t hear back for several days.
The next week was a blur of messages and boundary violations and self growth. I realized that I’m not as good of a person as I want to be. I realized that I have been holding boundaries for others when I don’t need to or want to anymore. I realized that my understanding of ‘girl code’ is limited and often de-prioritizes me. I realized that I’m totally over not prioritizing myself. So, I continued to sext him because I wanted to do that more than I wanted to respect a marital boundary that he was happily obliterating. Because, I rationalized, why should I put their relationship before me?
And, then, he told me he wanted to talk to her so that we could be more open in our connection. She did not respond well. No surprise there. She said she wanted to be part of all the messages, but did not want to participate. He asked if I was okay with that and this is the outcome:
Drama is a libido killer, only confirmed by his choice to not respond. El fin.