This is a public service announcement to heterosexual men who want to have anal sex with a consenting female partner. I’m sure gay men and/or women who want to peg a partner can use this information too, but this is primarily directed to those straight guys hoping to try ‘the other hole.’
Here is what you need to know:
1. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER: Don’t just pretend you stuck it in the wrong hole. Sure, accidents can happen. But, we can feel you maneuvering and it is a passive aggressive move that isn’t attractive. Make sure you are both on the same page and that both of you are comfortable with what’s about to happen. Because. . .
2. YOU CAN’T STICK IT BACK IN THE ORIGINAL HOLE: News flash. Once you put your dick in her butt, you cannot put it back in the vagina unless you go wash off. That is a UTI/vaginal infection waiting to happen. Doctor’s trip, antibiotics, and no sex for at least a week. Not fun. Don’t do it. Most of the time, the anal sex isn’t super planned out in advance, so there isn’t a lot of prep work happening. This means that the anal cavity isn’t going to be particularly shiny and clean. No one wants to get unwanted bacteria in their vag. This goes for fingers and sex toys as well.
3. USE LUBE: I don’t care if the lube is simply extra saliva or repurposed vaginal fluid. Make sure sure that there is some kind of additional liquid. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce it’s own lubrication so you gotta help it out. Lube is the best option if you want to avoid pain, discomfort, potential hemmorrhoids and tears to the perineum.
4. SLOW IN/SLOW OUT: You’ve got to let your partner’s anal sphincter muscles relax and go with her flow. Slow and steady. This is the same for when the action is over. Pull out slowly and gently or else a hemmorrhoid may pop out along with your penis. Pro tip: using a slight pressure, place your hand or several fingers over her anus for a few seconds to let everything relax even more.
5. DON’T FORGET THE CLIT: News flash – women don’t have a prostate. Which means, while anal sex can feel good, we need something else to reach orgasm. You’ve gotta find a way to reach the clitoris, add a vibrator for the g-spot or be sure she is using her hands to please herself.
Using these five principles, plus a hefty dose of common sense and respect, you can have wonderful anal sex. But, remember, for the man anal sex means an extra tight hole, a sense of power, and an extra way to bond. Worst case you get some shit on your dick. For the woman, anal sex can mean weeks of painful hemmorrhoids, a torn perineum, poop that is loose and urgent and mixed with semen for several days, and a general achy feeling around the anus which makes sitting and walking and wearing thong underwear extra challenging.
Be nice. . . no butts.