Life after divorce, I don’t have it all together

Should I get a divorce

I have had more women reach out lately that I haven’t heard from in ages.  Casually asking me how I’m doing and saying how it’s been so long since we have seen each other “we should catch up!”  The first few times it happened I didn’t know what it was all about, but now I know exactly why they are reaching out.  Sometimes they don’t even know why yet themselves and I do.  Once I made my divorce social media official, this started happening and it isn’t rocket science to figure out why these women are reaching out to communicate with me.  Their husband just left them, or they are miserable in their marriages and wonder what life would be like if they got a divorce, they just filed for divorce, they have been contemplating it for a long time but don’t have the confidence to do it.  After all it can’t be that hard if I did it right?  I’m always smiling, I post photos of my kids and I doing various activities and my kids are always smiling, I travel more now and post photos of myself in fun places.  I make divorced life look easy.  It is easy…well some parts are, it’s not all easy.  The truth is I don’t have it all together, I just look like I do and to me that’s the key.  Fake it till you make it and that’s what I tell all the women who ask me questions about my divorce.

Let me tell you, it’s not all super hot and sexy moments, tons of self confidence, smiling children and lots of vacations.  Since leaving my ex-husband I have had some of the worst days of my life dealing with the guilt of leaving, the whole divorce process and court dates.  My hair has fallen out and is thinner than ever, I don’t sleep as well as I used to and I’m up for hours at night thinking, its like my brain can’t shut down.  I’m filled with doubt some days.  Making a decision that was best for me, isn’t something that I do easily.  Its ingrained in me that I shouldn’t do something this major for myself.  My children should come first, after all as my in-laws told me after I left, “you are a mother of two children, you can’t think selfishly you need to put your own selfish needs of happiness aside and stay in your marriage because you should put your children’s happiness first!”  This is true right?  I should put my children first?  I know the answer to this in my mind but my heart tells me a different story some days.

Ultimately my children WERE one of the reasons I decided to get a divorce.  My children deserve a happy mom.  They need to know that if you make a mistake it’s never too late to fix it.  They need to see their mom in a relationship that is healthy and loving and to learn that you have to treat women with love and respect otherwise they aren’t going to stay with you.  I want them to see women as empowered, and confident not weak and willing to settle.

All of that being said divorce isn’t for everyone.  I tell everyone who asks me, its been some of the worst days of my life, BUT I have smiled more since I’ve been single than I ever did married.  I LOVE my life, every week I find myself saying at least a few times “I F-ING LOVE MY LIFE!” I smile until my face hurts and I laugh every day.  So whether you are single, married, divorced, or confused, I say make a decision to be happy.  We only have one life to live, and it’s too short to live miserably.

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