I would never claim to be an art expert, but I know that Jackson Pollock is a famous artist and his work looks like very, very fancy splatter paint. I also now know that period sex, under the right circumstances, can lead to a non-famous, non-fancy version of splatter paint. Same? Maybe not. Funny? Absolutely. Let me tell you about how I accidentally became the Jackson Pollock of period sex.
It started out innocently enough. I had a date scheduled and my Glow period tracking phone app showed that my period was set to start. I’m pro-period sex, but this relationship has a short sexual history and I just didn’t want to deal with this additional factor. So, I started doing what I do best: talking to friends about period sex and their strategies while excessively googling my options. I settled on using a softcup, which is similar to a menstrual cup but allows for vaginal penetration. Perfect. My body can do its monthly cleansing and I can get a bit of mess-free sex time.
News flash: NOT PERFECT.
We had a fun date. Good drinks, good convo, and an easy logistical transition back to his house. I gave the full-disclosure that I was on my period (which, I believe is good communication and should be standard practice). Jack (see what I did there with the fake name?) didn’t care. Side note for the men: enjoying all the aspects of a woman’s body is sexy and shows a certain maturity that is a major turn on. I also mentioned that I was ‘trying this new thing’ and told him about the softcup that was going to prevent period blood mess. We lay a towel down just in case and got to the sex part.
Somewhere between the position shift from being on my side to being on all fours I began to sense that something was amiss. A brief check in confirmed this suspicion. Blood. Was. Everywhere. To our credit, we continued for a bit before we were both laughing and distracted by the Dexter level scene we were creating. We sat for a second assessing the scene and he calmly and analytically stated, “hmmmm. I think doggie was the downfall position.” It seems during the course of sex, the softcup had tilted causing all the collected blood to pour out only to be splattered via penetration all over the futile towel, white sheets, white pillow cases, white duvet cover, white wall and light beige rug.
It was both horrifying and kind of beautiful. A brutal scene from a tender experience created by two bodies. I’d like to think Jackson Pollock would be proud. Maybe I should have kept the sheet and hung it on my wall. . . Next time.
Pro tip: hydrogen peroxide gets blood out! You can buy a spray bottle at most grocery/convenience stores (Walgreens, etc). Keep that on hand!