We all know that drinking and driving is a bad combination. It’s irresponsible and dangerous. But, did you know that drinking and dating is also a horrific idea? Let me explain:
A serious of random events led me to a weekend girls getaway with a man I’d never met flying in to meet me. We’d matched on a dating site, but logistics hadn’t worked out and we were both interested in the potential chemistry. It all seemed perfect: he had a friend in the city to stay with, I had three girlfriends who date vicariously through me, the city was vibrant and the options seemed limitless. The boundaries had been set; I told him to come 80% for his friend, 20% for me and made sure he knew that sex was not a foregone conclusion. Our text game was good enough. His pictures were smoking hot.
My friends and I were lounging at a bar waiting for the guys to arrive when one gasps, ‘oooh, look at that guy!’ I turn around and pop up from my seat with a coy, ‘oh, that’s him.’ Ryan Reynolds (RR) look alike had just manifested in the flesh with a less attractive sidekick in tow.
The guys had clearly already been drinking and seemed pretty committed to getting wasted. They bought us a round of drinks and sat down to chill. Within minutes I knew I was in trouble. I leaned over to my friend and whispered, “If I don’t fuck him fast he is going to cock block himself from me with his personality.” You probably guessed it: I didn’t act fast enough.
Fast forward to RR insulting my friends with a couple poorly delivered jokes, my friends going back to the hotel and me winding up at a half hip-hop club/half charming garden patio with RR and Sidekick who were hammered, taking shots with their beers AND cocktails while I casually sipped my soda water and watched the chaos. RR was SO good looking and I’m a pollyanna level optimist, so I persevered.
As the night progressed, I got to hear all about how “Generation X guys know how to treat women” and how “Chicago is the best city” and how “happy he is that I look like my photos.” We snuck a few kisses when his friend was in the bathroom or at the bar, but it quickly turned entitled and overbearing. His friend got overly touchy and too committed to me coming home with them. They both pressured me to drink- buying me shots that I had already declined, handing me drinks I didn’t want, and talking incessantly about how little alcohol I drink. It was boring, juvenile, and, to be honest, a bit rapey.
I knew that I could not fuck this man no matter how good looking his exterior. Our energies were off. Alcohol would have muted my perceptiveness of this. Alcohol is the master at hushing subtle warning signs and shushing our intuition. Drinking and dating is dangerous. Best case scenario it makes a physically unattractive person look better, but beer goggles generally only lead to morning of slight regret and funny stories. Worst case scenario you lose your judgement and issues around consent become hazy and jumbled.
We are clear on the consequences that come with DWIs (Driving While Intoxicated), I believe we need to also be more conscious of the risks associated with the ‘other’ DWI: Dating While Intoxicated. If you want to get hammered please be sure to enlist a Designated Dater to guide you home safely.