Staying in control while dating feel SO empowering. I swiped on a dating app and matched with the recently single dad who was incredibly sexy in his photos and seemed to have an easy going personality. After meeting we determined we enjoyed each other’s company and after several in depth conversations he described how he is dating a few women simultaneously and doesn’t have the capacity to get serious with anyone. He clearly explained what made complete sense. “I’m working on rebuilding myself, getting through this divorce, focusing on my child and work. I can’t even begin to think about anything serious.” He talked about a few women that he had gotten involved with, that started to have more expectations of him and he didn’t want to hurt their feelings when he knew he was incapable of giving them anymore of himself. So he ended the relationship by explaining to them why he didn’t want to take advantage of them when he needed to explore and didn’t have the capacity to give to a relationship at that time. Wow, made sense to me and I appreciated his honestly. After all I had been trying to take my heart out of the equation and date casually without any expectations, maybe this was a good match for me?
After our dates, I’d quickly make my exit frequently with him asking “where are you going? Don’t you want to stay and cuddle?” Nope I said, I need to go. He seemed a little off balance with my desire to leave and it felt strangely empowering. We did this a few times, each time him asking for more. I didn’t text him the next day, I didn’t ask when we were seeing each other again, and often I didn’t have time to see him when he asked to get together. He made reference to it once he said “you are always too busy for me and don’t want to stay the night with me.” I told him I didn’t have time for more than that, and I felt comfortable with where we were, dating-while I dated other people. “What do you mean dating other people?” I told him there wasn’t any risk of me developing more feelings for him because I know he doesn’t have time to devote to a relationship, and he wants more children in the future and I don’t. So it’s the perfect arrangement, we could enjoy each other’s company while continuing our search. He looked confused about the whole discussion and I left that night as I usually did. Driving home I thought, this feels amazing. I am in complete control of my emotions here, I can do this like some men do without letting feelings get involved. I like the intimacy with no feelings me. This is safe, fun and very comfortable.
I think too quickly we try to define a relationship and put it in a box. Furthermore many feel that if they are sexually intimate with someone they cannot continue to explore other options. We tend to tie emotions to sexual relationships and try to define these relationships instead of letting them ride and see where they go. I say step out of your comfort zone and try to have relationships without defining them. You just may find yourself in territory you haven’t been in before but enjoy it.