I have an amazing group of female friends and we recently turned up on a Wednesday night. For a group of 30s/40s moms, this means that we went to see a documentary about badass women in other countries working to help women. But, in a plot twist, we got a party bus to get to to and from the documentary screening. Bold decision.
Now, I’m not a huge drinker, but I don’t know of anyone who has the self-restraint to stay sober on a party bus. I was tipsy by the time we arrived at the movie theater from a combination of wine, champagne, ranch water, and laughter. No amount of popcorn could sop up the alcohol. And, I’m pretty sure that big emotions heighten alcohol absorbtion – but don’t quote me on that. We laughed the whole way to the theater, cried the whole duration of the documentary, and then had a weird hybrid combo of sadness, happiness, and intense anger on the way home.
Well, by home, I mean we first stopped at a bar. Us moms don’t often have a chance for a night out, especially those who aren’t lucky enough to be divorced with court ordered custody decrees that serve as built in ‘mom breaks.’ I rolled into the bar with my roadie from the party bus, chatted with strangers, may have taken a few drags off someone’s cigarette, and took a call from a new guy I’m dating.
By the time I got home, I was done. I had an exam the following morning and was committed to still making it to the gym beforehand. I don’t even remember getting into bed.
I woke up the next morning still in my clothes. Jacket and shoes still on. House lights still on. But, despite my fatigue, I must have been feeling myself because I had taken out a vibrator and my pants and underwear were pulled part way down my thighs. Did I masturbate? Did I orgasm? Did I ask myself how my night had been? I have no idea. I attempted to nonconsensually hook up with myself and have no clue how it went.
We may never get answers to my black out night of potential masturbation. Maybe I was the best I ever had. At least I know that I’m attracted to myself and that I get to go home every night with someone who wants to hook up with me.