I Think I Took Advantage of Myself

consent, masturbation, masturbate, documentary, party bus, drunk, hook up, take advantage, feeling myself, black out, laughing, wednesday, turn up, mom friends, female friends

I have an amazing group of female friends and we recently turned up on a Wednesday night.  For a group of 30s/40s moms, this means that we went to see a documentary about badass women in other countries working to help women.  But, in a plot twist, we got a party bus to get to to and from the documentary screening.  Bold decision.

Now, I’m not a huge drinker, but I don’t know of anyone who has the self-restraint to stay sober on a party bus.  I was tipsy by the time we arrived at the movie theater from a combination of wine, champagne, ranch water, and laughter.   No amount of popcorn could sop up the alcohol.  And, I’m pretty sure that big emotions heighten alcohol absorbtion – but don’t quote me on that.  We laughed the whole way to the theater, cried the whole duration of the documentary, and then had a weird hybrid combo of sadness, happiness, and intense anger on the way home.

Well, by home, I mean we first stopped at a bar.  Us moms don’t often have a chance for a night out, especially those who aren’t lucky enough to be divorced with court ordered custody decrees that serve as built in ‘mom breaks.’  I rolled into the bar with my roadie from the party bus, chatted with strangers, may have taken a few drags off someone’s cigarette, and took a call from a new guy I’m dating.

By the time I got home, I was done.  I had an exam the following morning and was committed to still making it to the gym beforehand.  I don’t even remember getting into bed.

I woke up the next morning still in my clothes.  Jacket and shoes still on.  House lights still on.  But, despite my fatigue, I must have been feeling myself because I had taken out a vibrator and my pants and underwear were pulled part way down my thighs.  Did I masturbate?  Did I orgasm?  Did I ask myself how my night had been?  I have no idea.  I attempted to nonconsensually hook up with myself and have no clue how it went.

We may never get answers to my black out night of potential masturbation.  Maybe I was the best I ever had.  At least I know that I’m attracted to myself and that I get to go home every night with someone who wants to hook up  with me.


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