We all have our own customized recipe for getting ourselves turned on. Unfortunately, not all of us have learned this recipe – much less started cooking from it. This is especially tricky for someone who has made a habit out of deriving pleasure from other people’s pleasure. Finding your own turn ons is not as easy as I would have thought. First, for a female to own her sexual pleasure is not societally endorsed everywhere. Second, if you are historical codependent then you will have zero idea of what you like outside of what your partner liked. Luckily, this girl is up for the challenge.
The most crucial step is developing your mind-body awareness. Just notice and be curious about what is happening in your body without placing any judgement on it. Then, do that during sexy times. Show your body respect by noticing the nuances. What makes your heart beat faster? What makes you wet? What makes your eyes open a bit wider? When does your breath catch? Do you get goosebumps? Do you get that delicious achey empty warm feeling right above your pubic bone? I expect my list to grow and evolve.
Recently, I had a man ask me what turns me on and I put together the following recipe response:
I like being explored without bashfulness or apology.
I like feeling desired to a point where it’s almost uncontrollable to a partner.
I like the body and the carnal appreciation of it.
I like testing limits and when fluids are everywhere and sweat and all that yummy human stuff.
I am turned on by connectedness and communication and sounds and the way a man smells.
I don’t have a “kink” or special requirement for me to get off. Although, I’ve found I tend to orgasm best when the sensation is slow, deep, methodical, and predictable so I can relax into the depth of the pleasure.
Does anyone remember the scene in Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts realizes that she doesn’t even know how she likes her eggs because she always ordered what her ex-partner ordered? Well, that was me. Now? I’m ordering all the damn eggs.