Long term relationships have their benefits: comfort, habit, and -hopefully- understanding each other’s sexual desires. Long-Term Relationship Sex (LTRS) if left to its own devices will naturally follow the path of least resistance (aka: find the turn on, go straight to the turn on, orgasm, done). Hedonic adaptation is a real thing and without taking serious measures to counteract this natural phenomena we, as humans, will adapt to our pleasure and either a) need more, b) need new, or c) need different. I had been with my first -and only- sexual partner for 17 years. We had become efficient and adapted. I needed more or different. He wanted new. Such is life. So, now I’ve had the joy of exploring my turn ons, my hard limits, and my general sexual parameters.
Immediately after my ex left me I knew I had to set some basic boundaries in place. I decided to start by identifying my hard limits and age parameters.
Easy, right? No. People are so brilliant and sexually creative that there is an endless list of things that I had no idea existed and that I would not be open to trying (eg having someone pee into my anus). I decided to do the best with the information I had and give myself the space to adjust as situations arose – a working rough draft outline. Here is what it looks like:
1. No kids/young age-play. I’m not about that shit.
2. No incest. My brother is cool but yuck factor to the extreme.
3. No rape or rape play. Rough sex is cool. Don’t get off on raping me.
4. No dead people. Just no. I may not have been their type.
5. No animals. Or pretending to be an animal. I don’t want to wear a pig-tail ass plug.
I’ve had to add on: no frozen shit dildos and no peeing in my butthole. Long story. But, people are incredibly creative.
This started out with 25-42. Seemed reasonable: on the lower end the guy can still rent a car without an extra under-age fee at 25 and the upper range was 10 years older than I was. Logical. However, life immediately set a guy in my crosshairs who was 42 and I knew I would have fucked him many years older. I bumped that up to 45. Then 50. Then found a 60 year old hot which hasn’t played out in any meaningful way, but why not leave that as an option. On the lower end, I accidentally had sex with a 22 year old. Who was ALMOST 23 and also 6’8”. And, then I may or may not have accidentally started talking to a 21 year old at a bar who ‘is really mature for his age.’ Soooooo, now we are at 22 (plus or minus a year) to 60 (ish). I feel good about it.