So, I went out of town and turned on Travel Tinder (This is the same as Tinder, but I only online date when I travel, hence, Travel Tinder). I took my friend’s advice and changed my settings to a preference of both men and women. Bam. Does that make me social media bisexual? Friends – I swiped left on every woman. Not ONE SINGLE WOMAN peaked my interest. Hugely demoralizing to my budding identity as a pussy muncher. But, not being a quitter – I decided to do the next logical thing: hook up with guys. If I’m being fair to myself I did try – really try – to get turned on by the women at the various casinos and clubs. Didn’t work. My friend told me that I am hands down the worst bisexual she’s ever met.
Spent the day with a special guy who makes me feel very, very straight. Not ideal. BUT, found a gorgeous image on Tumblr of two women that low key turned me on. I’ve realized that I have to get super in tune with my body to notice the subtle changes that could be perceived as sexualized ‘noticing’. I don’t need to be full blown bi, but I can start to notice when my body gives me a tiny indication that it is open to the idea and then I can start to gently support that part of me to open more. So, I masturbated to the image AND I CAME. YAY me. I popped my cherry of solo-sex to a female-female image online. Baby steps people. I’m just slowly and methodically ensuring that my neural pathways start to associate women with sexuality. Women have been categorized in my brain for over three decades as non-sexual beings so this is a big transition.
One Week Later:
I was invited out with a close friends and his crew (which happens to be mostly gay men). We always have a blast so I immediately agreed and hustled over to his place with a few hastily purchased bottles of wine. As I parked, I noticed a woman and noted that she was attractive. Progress! Then, as fate would have it – she was part of the crew going out. And, as fate would double have it – she is a lesbian. But, just so I don’t get too cocky about fate being in my corner – she is also on the tail end of a dramatic divorce from her partner. Cockblock. Wait, we can’t way that between two women. Ummmmmm, cork? The vagina is corked? Okay. Fate corked me.
I decided to be myself, watch if I could be attracted to her, and enjoy my evening of drinking and extreme dancing. I got her number and offered my support during her time of divorce transition since I’ve been there and it sucks. But, if I’m being honest, I knew I was going to try to hit on her. And I did. And it flopped.
Well, maybe it didn’t flop, but it went something like this (via text): Me: “Hey. Random question. I’ve decided I want to try to be bisexual and start having sexual experiences with women. Would you be open to being my first experience?” Her: “I’m so honored, but I’m in such a weird place right now with this divorce that I don’t think I’d be a good experience for you.” Me: (in my head) booooooo. Me: (via text): “Okay, cool. I’m here for you -nonsexually- during this rough time”. So, now I’m friendzoned. We’ve texted, platonically, and grabbed drinks, platonically. I’m always game for more cool friends so this is a great outcome, but I’m still secretly hoping she becomes smitten and wants some post-divorce physical rejuvenation so that I can get some real-world experiences.