I’m hugely lucky to have a gay best friend, Mike, who I can talk to about absolutely anything. He has helped me analyze many a sex situation and our most recent conversation centered around erections. One of my current partners has a temperamental dick that gets and loses erections with a pattern I can’t seem to learn and a frequency I find frustrating. Our sexual encounters are ruled by the whim of his penis and it dictates the position, speed, and quality of what we do.
I was lamenting to Mike about how I have to cater to this emotional dick, which seems to only stay erect in a missionary position with a constant methodical pounding that lasts forever and gets me nowhere near the possibility of an orgasm. Mike shook his head with disgust and noted, “Oh, that is just NOT worth the epithelial dysplasia.” But, I complained, when I take initiative to get on top or switch things up with a blow job, the dick rebels and turns flaccid. I told Mike that I’m terrified to even breathe during sex in case the sensitive erection decides to bail. Mike had been in similar situations, he gave me a compassionate look, sipped his frozen strawberry margarita and said, “you don’t want to spook the dick.”
Nearly spitting out my drink with laughter, I realized he was exactly right. My sex life with this partner has been highjacked by an overly sensitive erection that demands all the attention as I tip toe around its feelings and needs hoping it doesn’t go away. NO MORE. Life is too short to be rhythmically pounded for hours on end as I lay there sending motivational vibes to his dick to stay hard while trying to engage my lower abs to at least get a bit of an ab workout in.
Erections can be fickle and I’m always game to problem solve. But, this penis is not meeting me half way in my efforts to find a solution. It is too easily spooked and I’ve lost my patience. Me and my vaginal epithelium tried our best to create a safe space conducive to an erection, but we’ve decided we need a dick we don’t have to constantly worry about accidentally offending.